What do you do after you have said 'no'?

A one day workshop by Gael Lindenfield and Malcolm VandenBurg

There has been a growth in the assertiveness industry. Many books written. Many trainers trained. It’s even in the school curriculum. But as many are finding saying ‘No’ is not the Holy Grail. Saying ‘No’ is not even the point of assertive behaviour, but it has become the street cry message for many. So has the confusion between assertiveness and aggression. So has the misplaced thought that assertive behaviour gets you what you want.

This is a course for those who want more for themselves and their relationships. It is a course for those who want to achieve, but not at the cost of anger and aggression.

The by-word of the course could be ‘better assertive failure than unfavourable success’. The workshop is designed to give people insight into their own needs, wishes and values as a starting point for future conduct and contentment.

It is based on the belief that what other people need is understanding, and what you need are many different behavioural options.

If you understand yourself and others, if you understand interpersonal relationships and group dynamics, you have a starting point for change. If you understand what you want and what others need to hear, as well as how others wish to be heard, and what others wish to achieve, you have a better road to travel.

Most importantly, if you are well grounded yourself ,and you always have more than one option, each of which you feel comfortable with, you are in a balanced emotional posture from which to proceed.

This course began life as an advanced assertiveness module on a higher management training course, and has evolved to become a prescription and recipe for personal calm and contentment.

Programme

• Welcome and introduction
  
  
• Say ‘yes’ before saying ‘No’
  - if you clearly, subconsciously and automatically know your Yes’s it is far easier to say no to your No’s
  
  
• Normally, naturally, necessarily, neighbourly and neutrally, not naughtily, narcissistically,  negatively or nervously, the different ways of saying ‘NO’
  - practice them all and choose the one that’s right for you
  
  
• Know your next’s, know your never’s
  - not all ‘No’s’ are equal; rank and prioritise yours
  
  
• Getting a CD Rom to replace the broken record
  - breaking a broken record
  - once you have been self protective with the broken record technique, how many options do you know to leave the room feeling great?
  - how many ways do you know to rebuild bridges?
  - An exercise in pairs
  
  
• What happens after you said ‘No’?
  
  
• Body language to influence not frighten
  
  
• Writing the positive script to encourage and support yourself.
  
  
• Sympathy, empathy, truth
  - the way to say it with understanding
  - the new technique for negotiating with the borderline or psychotic personality simplified to help you in your everyday life.
  
  
• Your world is right for you
  
  
• 5 steps to talking without aggravating
  
  
• Staying grounded and choosing
  - learn how to stay emotionally neutral, evaluate your behavioural options, and put them into practice
  
  
• We each have a video camera, no wonder we all see it differently
  - how to be a great single before an acceptable double
  
  
• Three lessons from transactional analysis
  - parents and children can both be adults
  - give them what they want, not what they ask for